Adopting twins is a joyous experience. A family who has been praying for a baby gets to take home not one, but two bundles of joy.
However, as you’ve probably already heard, one child is a lot of work and two is double! Pamela Fierro is an expert when it comes to raising twins. She wrote a book, Everything Twins, Triplets, and More. It’s an excellent resource for adoptive and biological parents alike.
Twins are more common in adoption than you might realize. Sometimes mothers who are already struggling with parenting two or three children learn they have twins on the way, and decide it’s best to place them with an adoptive family.
What to Expect When You Adopt Twins
Many people expect adopting twins will provide a perfect instant family. This can be genuinely wonderful, but there is a lot to consider with such an abrupt lifestyle change. Pamela explains that when you have twins, you have two children, and then there’s this third piece, the relationship between the twins. So, you have two individual children, and then this dynamic that requires nurturing.
There are challenges throughout the ages of twins. The infant stage is probably one of the most trying times in raising twins. Parents get less sleep and spend more time caring for their infants. Toddler twins can create a lot of ruckus, mess, and noise. This can bring parents tons of joy, but it’s essential for them to understand how their lifestyle will change.
Pamela remembers her daughters’ emotional challenges as they entered puberty. As twins grow up, they must establish not who they are as individuals but also face questions of who they are concerning this other person who looks like them and is very close to them, but it’s not them.
Challenges of Adopting Twins
Parents should be aware that it’s more expensive to have two children the same age because hand me downs are not an option. Childcare is also more financially straining because you are paying two bills at once instead of sending one child off to school while the other one goes to daycare.
Unfortunately, there’s also a higher incidence of divorce between parents of twins. This is a sad fact, but it’s important to mention so that you and your partner can talk about it and decide if you are up for the challenge.
It’s so essential to maintain that oneness with your spouse once you adopt. That means getting away on date nights, and occasionally having someone stay so you can guys can get away for a weekend. You are exhausted, and you need to take time out to care of yourself.
Twins Bring Many Blessings
We outline the challenges, so you have realistic expectations when you make your decision. But, there are countless blessings when you adopt twins, and we want to mention those as well. You get a double dose of hugs and love, and you experience the joy of watching their relationship develop.
Being a twin is one of the longest lasting relationships there is. They know each other before birth. Twins are very intertwined, they can be competitive and very contentious, but also incredibly loving and sometimes a little bit mysterious when they sense what the other is thinking or feeling.
Twins are the best of friends and the best of enemies sometimes all at the same time. As a parent, it’s an incredible blessing to be able to watch that daily. At Lifetime Adoption we never separate twins.
We have seen instances of twins meeting later in life where they liked the same things, and they were both musical or very into one particular sport or very mechanical. Some research that indicates that the loss of a twin is more severe than the loss of a spouse or sibling or a parent. Being a twin is an incredibly unique and special relationship that really should be preserved.
If you are interested in adopting twins, we would love to talk more with you!
Fill out our free adoption application.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.