When you’re hoping to adopt a baby, there are many things to learn. A great way to prepare for your own adoption journey is to get answers to questions that other hopeful parents ask. Here, you’ll find answers to two questions people ask when they are thinking about hiring Lifetime to help them adopt. You’ll learn a lot about what to expect and get to know Lifetime better too.
There is a lot to learn and many adoption questions to be answered when you decide you want to adopt. Even before you can think of yourself as “hoping to adopt,” there are terms, steps, and questions that every future adoptive parent will need to understand to reach their adoption dream successfully. There are many important questions when it comes to adopting a child. It’s wise to learn as much as possible so you know what to expect!
Below I’ve answered a couple of the adoption questions that we are frequently asked. Whether you’ve been researching adoption for a while or if you’re just starting to gather information, these adoption questions are an excellent resource for you to equip yourself better as you build a family through adoption.
Question #1: “I read about a possible birth mother on your site that would be a perfect match for us. Can you make sure she knows about us?”
ANSWER: Remember, birth mothers are also looking for the right match too. If she feels pressured toward a particular adoptive family, she may not move forward with adoption at all. Let her choose you for her baby.
Sometimes these common misconceptions may surface for adoptive parents: “Surely she would choose us if she only got to know us!” or “The reason we haven’t been chosen yet must be because our profiles aren’t going to these birth mothers.” It’s important to understand the process on the other side of your adoption, the birth mother’s steps, as she researches or chooses adoption for her child.
Keeping perspective about the adoption process is key. Adoptive parents go through a lot to get ready to adopt; birth mothers are assured that the adoptive parents they learn about are ready to move forward when SHE’S ready.
At Lifetime, a mother researching adoption will get a selection of adoptive parent profiles of families who line up with what she’s seeking for her child; she’ll learn about adoptive families who would say yes to a match if chosen. For adoptive parents, this means knowing that their profile IS going to the mothers they would consider a “perfect match,” and it’s to the benefit of the entire adoption process for everyone that it’s the birth mother’s decision as to who she chooses to adopt her baby.
Once she chooses an adoptive family, she’ll complete a few simple steps to talk with them and decide if she’s ready to match and move the adoption matching process forward. We never delay in letting adoptive parents know that a mother is ready to match!
Be assured as you stay ready and available, there will be a mother who sees you as the “perfect match” for her child.
Question #2: “I get that adoption today means a child’s mother has the choice of adoptive parents, and I think that’s so great. What I wonder is what these women think when they see our profile. How can we find out feedback from these possible birth mothers? Do they ever have negative things to say? We can take it…we just want to do what we can to make a good impression about who we are.”
ANSWER: It’s common for adoptive parents to be curious about what birth mothers think when they go online to view adoption profiles, however, it’s uncommon for birth parents to provide feedback about adoptive parent profiles UNLESS it’s about the one or two families she is interested in getting to know better.
Typically, the most common “feedback” from birth mothers is, “I like this family, how can I talk with them?” It’s not likely that, in her current circumstances, she’s able to filter through the mixed and difficult emotions and questions about her situation to actually critique or offer ideas about the adoptive families she did not choose. It’s very rare for a mother to voice negative feedback about an adoptive family.
Be encouraged to know, however, that most birth mothers do share an overall appreciation for all of the adoptive parents she learned about as she researched adoption. Sometimes, even after she’s matched with and completed her child’s adoption with the adoptive family of her choice, a birth mother still keeps all of the adoptive parent profiles she received because they were all a part of her child’s story.
Remember, she can only choose ONE adoptive family! Many women choosing adoption recognize the loving desire of each adoptive parent to bring a child home through adoption AND wish that she could choose each one of them. You will stand out to your child’s birth mother for reasons that may surprise you or reasons that don’t quite have words or phrases to define the connection.
In the end, the ultimate feedback you’re looking for is “I want you to adopt my baby,” and until that milestone, you should make sure your profile is an honest, upbeat, relevant reflection of who you are as an adoptive family-to-be.
Do you have a question about adoption that you’d like answered? Please give us a call at 727-493-0933 or send us an email.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on July 27, 2015, and has since been updated.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”