Today’s we’re sharing a top adoption tip from Lifetime’s Founder & adoptive mother, Mardie Caldwell!
“From your very first impression through to the finalization of your adoption, a little sweetness goes a long way with your adoption professional AND with birth mothers.
Of course, we should be sweet, nice, patient and understanding in all of our daily interactions. And we all are, right? Okay, maybe not so much. We all surely have our moments! Especially in adoption, sometimes we’re so stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain eager to adopt, they might forget to extend kindness to their adoption professional.
Adoption professionals are always evaluating whether or not to accept a family as a client. They are observing how this potential client will behave with their birth mothers. A little patience, understanding, and just plain niceness can indicate whether a birth mother’s interaction with you will be positive or negative.
On the flip side, this is something that you should also be looking for when searching for an adoption professional. Do they seem kind, patient and understanding? Is this the type of person who will engage with birth mothers in a positive and welcoming manner? Would you want your child’s birth mother treated the way the professional is treating you?
Here’s why this is so important: It can be very upsetting and downright scary for a birth mother to finally speak with a family, after going gaga over their profile, only to find that in person the family turns out to be rude, judgmental, abrasive, impatient and terribly offensive. She starts to wonder how this family will treat her child! She starts to question this family’s commitment to keep in touch with her after the adoption! She may decide to call the whole thing off and parent the child herself.
Your kindness, patience and positive attitude trickle all the way down to whether or not a birth mother will select you. Many professionals who have a heart for birth mothers, such as Lifetime, will not be willing to jeopardize an adoption situation by taking a chance with an adoptive family who just isn’t nice.
Adoption isn’t easy. Families can be stretched to their limits financially and emotionally – and this is stressful! It’s wise to have self-awareness and know when you need to get out and blow off some steam. Then, take a deep breath and summon all of the sweetness within yourself before you speak with your adoption professional, and certainly, a birth mother.
Whoever said, “It’s the little things that count,” hit the nail on the head. When an adoption situation doesn’t work out for you, be nice nonetheless. You never know – the sweetest birth mother may be just around the corner. Or, that initial birth mother might reconsider her adoption plans after all, and if you’ve been gracious and charitable in your interactions with her, she will surely request you as the adoptive family.
When you don’t really understand why your adoption professional is doing something a certain way or asking YOU to do something a certain way – just ask and listen. Remember, a quality adoption professional has your best interests at heart and is trying to get you to that result you are looking for, your baby in your arms.”
(This post was originally published on our blog on March 27, 2017)
As the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.