“My ex-girlfriend is giving our baby up for adoption. We’ve been struggling to make ends meet for months now, and we’re in a crazy off-and-on relationship. She hangs out with the wrong people, and I want better for my son.
I’m down with adoption, but can I get updates on our baby too as he grows up?”
Yes, definitely! You can have contact with the adoptive family and your child, separately from his mother. Even though you’re no longer together, an open adoption relationship is possible. The contact you have with the adoptive couple could be emails, letters, photos, texts, social media posts, and even in-person visits. A birth father can have his own open adoption contact, even if the birth mother doesn’t want or need to stay in touch with the adoptive family.
Just look at this example of contact between a birth father and an adoptive couple in an open adoption:
Hi Chris and Stephanie,
How’s Kaylee and everything going? just been real busy with work, the company I work for won a new construction bid so Ive been doing overtime. I cant complain about the extra money though!
I agree with not posting pictures of Kaylee on social media, I just wanna see her and I miss and think about her every day. thank you for taking real good care of her and loving her like no other. Here’s a pic of me and my mom, little sister, and girlfriend at Six Flags this summer.
It’s great to hear from you! Glad to hear that work is going well, we’re happy for you. Kaylee is quite the girly girl…she loves playing with dolls and playing dress up. She is in ballet lessons and tells us she wants to be a ballerina when she grows up. Kaylee is obsessed with Doc McStuffins, and so we threw her a Doc McStuffins-themed birthday when she turned 4. Her favorite foods right now are grilled cheese sandwiches, strawberries, and chicken nuggets.
Thank you for sending the photo, we’ll show it to Kaylee. She is the happiest little girl and growing so fast. We’re looking forward to meeting up with you later this year!
-Chris and Stephanie
Lifetime encourages birth fathers to get involved in their child’s adoption from the start. You can be a part of the planning process, even if you’re not in a relationship with your baby’s mother anymore. This might mean you help her pick an adoptive couple for your baby. You can help her narrow down her top choices for adoptive families and then interview the top family on the phone. As a birth father, you have rights and choices in open adoption, too.
We understand that adoption can be as hard for you as it is for a birth mother.
Call Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 if you’d like to learn about being
involved in your child’s adoption.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certiﬁed Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the ﬁrst adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.