Many pregnant women begin looking into adoption because they want to offer their children the best life possible. That life starts with the perfect adoptive family. Like many women facing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption, you might be wondering, “Where do I start when looking to find adoptive parents for my baby?””
When you choose adoption for your baby, your first goal is to ensure they’ll be in good hands. While no family is perfect, there is a hopeful adoptive family out there who is perfect for you and your baby. But how do you find them? With so many families to choose from, this decision can feel overwhelming.
You are not alone in this process. The adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption can help take the guesswork out of making that perfect match. All our families have passed background checks, home inspections, interviews, and a home study. Our qualified families are just waiting for a birth mother to make that special connection.
Lifetime provides access to hundreds of profiles of hopeful adoptive families across the United States. If you’re wondering how to find adoptive parents, Lifetime has made the process easy! Visit our Search Families page to choose search items that are important to you. Then, you can learn more about an adoptive couple by reading their adoption website, checking out their photos, and watching their adoption video.
The hopeful adoptive families you see on our website are ready and eager to become parents through adoption! But how can you ensure you choose the right adoptive parents for your baby? This guide will help you find the perfect family to fulfill your vision for your child’s future.
Make a List of What You’re Looking For in Adoptive Parents
Your first step in looking for parents to adopt your baby is to search your heart for the future you wish for you and your baby. Make a list of your preferences to compare your needs to what potential adopting families offer.
Where do you want them to live? What kind of jobs do you envision for them? What qualities are super important to you? Create a list of deal-breakers as well. For example, you might avoid families that don’t currently have kids if you wish for your baby to have siblings. You will use this list as a reference as you look at adoption profiles online.
Be honest about your desires and what you will be comfortable with. For example, many prospective birth mothers consider the following:
Location
Many birth mothers have strong preferences about where their child will grow up. Do you picture your child growing up in the slower pace of a small town or a busy city? Is it important that your child lives in a culturally diverse community? If you choose to have an open adoption, it might also be important for you to live within a reasonable distance from the adoptive family.
Ethnicity
Many women choosing adoption want their child raised by parents of the same ethnicity. Others are willing to open their adoption preferences to all races.
Choosing a couple of the same ethnicity can provide peace of mind that they will better understand your child’s racial identity. Or perhaps you’re passionate about finding a mixed heritage family for your child so that they can grow up with different cultural traditions.
Two-Parent Home
A home with two parents may offer more financial stability and emotional support for raising a child. For prospective birth mothers who choose adoption because their baby’s father is not involved, a two-parent home may be exactly what they wish for their child.
Religion
Different religions come with values and traditions that you may feel are important for your child’s upbringing. Some birth mothers prefer to choose an adoptive family of their faith.
Many birth parents want their child raised to know God’s love. Adoptive families typically list their faith in their profiles. If this is important to you, you can ask questions about the adopting families’ goals for a religious upbringing.
You can also ask adoptive couples about the religious activities and rites they intend to follow, such as having their baby baptized, attending church services, helping them study for confirmation, and, for Catholics, participating in First Communion.
Other Children
Many hopeful adoptive couples choose adoption after a painful journey with infertility. And sometimes, a birth mother wants to place her baby with a couple who is adopting due to infertility. Typically, she wants her baby to be the adoptive couple’s first child and searches for a couple who doesn’t already have children. In addition, many women choose a childless adoptive couple to make their dream of becoming parents come true.
Other adopting families choose adoption because they are not yet done raising children. They will bring experience to the table and provide your child with the opportunity to have siblings. Each type of family has its benefits, but it’s up to you to decide the best match for your child.
Search Lifetime Adoption’s Screened Families
Once you have determined what you are looking for, it’s time to begin your search! Lifetime Adoption makes it easy to read information, see photos, and watch videos about families who want to add a new child to their home.
To start browsing adopting families’ profiles online, visit LifetimeAdoption.com/search-adoptive-families. There, you can easily search for adoptive parents by choosing the search items that are important to you, including their ethnicity, the state they live in, their religion, whether they already have children, and more!
Use your list of preferences to determine which adopting families might be a potential match. Then, ask questions to learn more.
You can find the right fit for your baby with the information you find in adoptive family profiles. The characteristics and traits you see can help determine which families can provide the best home for your precious baby.
After you find the perfect adoptive family, you can email them or contact Lifetime Adoption for more information on them.
Get to Know Potential Adoptive Parents for Your Baby
Once you have narrowed down your list, your Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime will help you get in contact with potential adopting families. These conversations and in-person visits will give you a better understanding of the adoptive families’ values, lifestyle, and the future they have in store for your baby.
Whether you want to talk to just one adoptive couple or several is your choice. Speaking with several families can be an excellent way to compare. Plus, you can find out what feels right and what doesn’t because having a connection with them is so important! For example, you might find an adoptive family who meets all your criteria but seems lukewarm once you speak to them.
Now is the time to ask questions, so don’t hold back! Here are some common topics of conversation:
- Why did you choose to adopt?
- How will you talk to my child about their adoption?
- Tell me about your professions.
- Tell me about your faith.
- What are your other interests or hobbies?
- Are you close to your extended family?
- Do you travel?
- What kind of contact are you comfortable with in the future?
Remember, nothing is final until you decide. Just because you meet with a family doesn’t mean you have to choose them.
Trust Your Instincts
As you get to know hopeful adoptive families, trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel authentic or sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Be wary of anyone who promises too much. Promises mean nothing if there is no follow-through. It’s much more important for everyone to be honest about what they can commit to.
Choosing parents for your baby isn’t just a logical decision, but also an emotional one. After all, you want your child to grow up happy and healthy, so trust your instincts when choosing a family to adopt your baby.
“I remember looking at adoptive parent profiles that met the requirements on my list,” says Jessica, a Lifetime Adoption birth mother. “Even though they had everything I wanted for my baby, it just didn’t feel right. So I followed my instincts and kept on looking. Eventually, I found a family. When I looked at their profile and then talked to them on the phone, I just had a sense of comfort and peace.”
As you look through the adoptive family profiles, you will probably find yourself drawn to some in particular. We encourage our families to let their true personalities shine through, and you really never know what might draw you to a family. For example, one birth mother found herself interested in a family because the adoptive father listed his favorite candy bar, and it was the same as hers. This may seem trivial, but she wanted to talk with them, which turned out to be a wonderful match. It was just meant to be.
So you might see a couple that you know is meant to raise your child, even if they don’t have the things on your list. Trust your instincts and follow what feels right.
Following your gut can be difficult, so you might second-guess yourself. If this happens, don’t be nervous about speaking with several different couples. And, as always, your adoption coordinator is here to help whenever you need it.
5 Red Flags to Watch Out for in Adoptive Families
Your heart will lead you to the hopeful adoptive family you end up choosing, but these five red flags can help you find out who NOT to pick:
1. Saying they will ‘allow’ you to visit
When you interview hopeful adoptive families, ask them what kind of openness you can expect from them. If they talk about how they’d allow you to have visits and updates, it shows that they don’t understand open adoption. To say that they’ll “allow” you to see the child you carried, delivered, and placed is a red flag.
Open adoption isn’t just about you, it’s also about your child’s right to know where they came from. They should have the opportunity to form a relationship with you if they’d like. Visits shouldn’t be seen as a privilege but as the right of the adoptee.
2. The way they talk about “birth mothers”
You deserve respect. So if an adoptive couple talks down to you in their profile or they say something demeaning about women facing unplanned pregnancies on social media, it’s a total red flag. If you get the feeling that they don’t respect birth mothers, it might be an automatic “no.”
3. How they’ll talk to their child about adoption
So that your child doesn’t grow up confused, they should know about you (and your love for them) from day one. If adoptive parents don’t positively talk about adoption, the child may think adoption is shameful. Ask the adoptive couple how and when they plan to tell your child that they were adopted. It’s not OK to avoid telling them at all! If you want your child to be proud of his adoption, it’s important to choose a family who would help him do that.
4. Being Fake
Does the adoptive couple seem completely fake in their profile? There’s a difference between drawing attention to your positives and not being yourself. If it seems like they’re faking a glamorous lifestyle, take some time to think about what you really want for your baby. Do you really want people who pretend to be something they aren’t?
5. Something just doesn’t feel right
There will be lots of sweet adoptive couples that you feel deserve to be parents and who meet what you’re looking for. But it’s your heart that will lead you to the family you choose. Something will just feel like it “clicks.” If it doesn’t, that’s a perfectly good reason to pass them up.
Take Your Time
Your search to find the perfect adoptive family may be challenging. Securing this essential piece of your child’s life plan will take some work. However, the time and energy you put into finding that perfect match will be worth it when you finally bond with the family meant for you.
Do not rush into a decision. You’re not on a deadline to select a family. It’s never too late to choose adoption, so try not to rush yourself. Think it over, and then do what feels right.
If you start feeling overwhelmed, try taking a break. Don’t let others hurry you into picking a family. You have the right to make this decision as slowly as you need to. This is your baby’s future, and you have the opportunity to hand-pick the perfect parents for him or her.
Contact Lifetime Adoption with any questions or concerns. We are experts — adoption professionals who care about you and your baby’s future! We can help you find answers to any adoption questions you may have, whether they’re about the adoption process, adoption agencies in general, the different types of adoption, and what to expect in making an adoption plan! Lifetime is available 24/7; just text or call us at 1-800-923-6784 with your questions.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on June 26, 2020, and has since been updated.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.
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