Is Distance Important When Choosing Adoptive Parents?

by | Nov 8, 2019 | Birth Parent Blog

Birth mother looks at adoptive parent profiles happy about distance being important to herWhen you’re looking at adoptive family profiles, there are plenty of factors to consider. Do they live in an urban or rural area? Will the wife be a stay-at-home mom? What faith do they follow? Would you like the adoptive family to have the same ethnicity as you? 

Each of these questions is important when you’re choosing parents for your baby. But what about where the adoptive family lives? You might think that if you would like to have in-person meet-ups in the future, you have to choose an adoptive family who lives close to you.

Is Distance in Adoption Important?

How far away the adoptive couple lives might play a role in how life looks post-adoption. Distance may not be the first thing that comes to your mind when looking at adoptive parents, and that’s just fine. You should consider the things that matter most to you first. For example, the couple’s religion could matter more to you than how close they live.

You might think that you have to choose an adoptive couple who live close to you if you’d like to have visits with them and your child. But with modern technology, you can stay in touch and get updates on your child through a variety of methods. For example, many birth mothers and adoptive families will schedule a Skype or FaceTime call. Or, the adoptive parents might set up a private Facebook or Instagram account for the sole purpose of sharing updates with the birth parents.

Communication in Modern Adoption 

Most infant adoptions today are at least semi-open. What does this mean for you? That there’s a good possibility you’ll stay in touch with the adoptive parents before and after placement.

Are you wondering how open your adoption will be? This is something that you get to decide. You’re in charge of your adoption process. With the help of your Adoption Coordinator, you can decide how much communication you want to have with the adoptive parents and what kind of communication you’d like it to be. This might look like photo updates emailed to you every few months, or it could mean video chats to catch up. Some open adoptions also include in-person meet-ups.

This is where distance comes into play. It can play a role in defining the type of communication you will have with the adoptive family.

Open Adoption If the Adoptive Family Lives Far Away

With technology, “long-distance” relationships don’t seem so far away. By just tapping a screen, you can speak to someone across the country face-to-face. It used to be that distance blocked most forms of personal communication. But today, that barrier doesn’t stop people from communicating.

birth parents looking at profiles

Distance doesn’t mean you can’t have in-person contact with the adoptive parents and your child. Travel can be logistically challenging, but it doesn’t have to be. Lifetime Adoption has worked with birth mothers who made arrangements with the adoptive family to meet halfway. 

For example, if you live in California, but the adoptive family lives in Minnesota, meeting in an in-between state like Nebraska or Colorado makes travel easier on both of you. Or, the adoptive couple may have family or friends who live in your state, so they can stop to visit you on the way. 

How Much Contact Will I Need?

At the end of the day, it’s up to you how much you contact you would like to have. Your Adoption Coordinator will send you adoptive parent profiles whose communication wishes match your own. So if you’d like visits each year with the adoptive parents, your Adoption Coordinator is going to help you find hopeful parents who are ready to make that happen. 

Once you select the adoptive family, you can form your own unique post-placement communication agreement with them. Most adoptive families at Lifetime Adoption are open to visits once a year, and many are willing to meet more often than that.

Whether an adoptive family lives far away shouldn’t be the determining factor in your decision. There are tons of other qualities that make an adoptive couple perfect for your baby. We recommend that you keep those things at the top of your list of priorities. Living close by can be great, but people move, and distance doesn’t have to determine communication. Distance is something to consider, but not something to base your choice on.

Chat With an Adoption Coordinator Today

With the help of your Adoption Coordinator, you’ll create an adoption plan that names all of the details of your adoption process. Your Coordinator is here to help you decide the sort of adoptive family you are looking for and how much contact you want to have.

Based on a variety of factors, your Adoption Coordinator will find adoptive parent profiles who fit your preferences. You’ll be able to read each of their profiles and watch their adoption videos so you can choose the family you think is best.

Do you have questions about choosing an adoptive family?

Call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 at any time.


Heather Featherston
Written by Heather Featherston

As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston


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