“I Just Knew This Was the Family I Wanted for My Child…”

If you’re thinking about adoption for your baby, it really helps to hear from other women who’ve “been there, done that.” Bailey, a birth mother from Minnesota, shares about how she came to choose adoption. Here’s Bailey’s story about making an adoption plan & finding an adoptive couple for her daughter:

“When I was 22 I decided to place my daughter for adoption. After a few years of really bad decisions, I found myself pregnant. I was stunned at the fact, like ‘this isn’t happening to me! I’m smart about these things!’ and I obviously wasn’t. I remember when I found out I was pregnant I was just sitting on my friend’s couch and I was just staring at the pregnant test going ‘on my gosh! It’s positive! This is not supposed to be happening right now!’

The second I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I was going to place her for adoption. In my heart, I knew that she was given to me so that I could give her to a family that needs her. I wanted to bless a family that wants to have a baby! I knew I wasn’t going to be a fit mother to a baby. I researched about five different adoption agencies before I chose one.

Choosing the Right Adoptive Family for Me

I actually got to bring home a stack of about six [adoptive family profiles]. I remember sitting in my bed, looking at the top one and it had this photo of this nice-looking family, this girl with pretty curly hair, this nice dad, and they have a son. I remember paging through it and reading about them and the lifestyle they lived, and their son who was adopted too which I thought was amazing! I just kinda knew off the bat that this is the family that I want to have for my child.

When I met them in person, I loved them! We talked for probably about two hours, just getting to know each other. It wasn’t really stressful or uncomfortable. It was like ‘this is the family for me!’ I just knew in my heart that these people are gonna be my child’s parents. We just kinda hung out every couple of weeks or so. We went out to dinner, really got to know each other. So after that, it wasn’t like I was just giving my baby to strangers. It was like they were an extension of our family. It was nice being able to have that experience with someone.

My Thoughts on Adoption vs. Abortion

I feel like the whole adoption thing can really scare people because they think you don’t get to choose the adoptive family. In all reality, you DO get to choose. I chose the parents, I chose how I wanted everything to go down, how I wanted the hospital stay to go. Having the power to make these choices is really important. Adoption isn’t how it used to be; it’s not scary.

For me, adoption was exciting: you get to bless this family with a child! It’s amazing, and at the same time, it’s not like you don’t ever see them again. I also feel like the fact of getting an abortion would’ve probably harmed myself more than doing the adoption. Everybody says ‘well, adoption’s so hard and it’s so emotionally stressful!’ And I’m like ‘yeah, but the thing is I know she’s there…instead of just having an abortion and going to a clinic that’s not personable and that’s cold and kinda sad.’ All that was something that I didn’t want to do. Knowing about adoption and how that process works really helped me. Also, it helped to know that I could have that openness with that family too… adoption isn’t just something where you give your child away and you never see them again. That was kinda a big one for me. I knew in my heart, ‘you’re not getting an abortion.’

Adoption in My Life Today

My daughter is five now. She knows who I am and she knows my name. She knows that I’m her birth mom, but she also knows that Alyssa and Kevin are her mother and father. That’s important to me for her to have parents who are together and they love each other. My daughter wouldn’t have had that life with me; it would’ve been a broken family living in my parent’s basement. It would’ve been hard for us to make it on our own. In my opinion, I just feel like that isn’t fair to her. She should have parents together and she does. She also has this huge extension of family around her: even more love than what she would get from having a mom and dad.

I love my daughter, and I wouldn’t ever change my mind about adoption. I’d never take it back. I think this was just in God’s will, like, the perfect decision for me.”

Written by Heather Featherston

As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston