Quick Answer: If you’re pregnant and wondering whether to get married, the honest answer is: pregnancy alone is not a good reason to get married. Marriages that begin because of an unplanned pregnancy have significantly higher divorce rates. Take time to honestly evaluate your relationship, your readiness for parenthood, and all of your options, including adoption.
Table of Contents
- What Does “Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons” Really Mean?
- Signs You May Be Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons
- Do You Really Know Your Partner?
- Do You Really Love Him?
- How Will Your Marriage Affect Your Child?
- Are You Ready to Be a Single Mom?
- What Is Adoption and Could It Be Right for You?
- Adoption and Your Baby’s Father
- Frequently Asked Questions
What Does “Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons” Really Mean?
Getting married for the wrong reasons means choosing marriage based on pressure, obligation, or circumstance, not genuine love, compatibility, and commitment.
Common wrong reasons to get married include:
- You’re pregnant and feel you “should” make it official.
- Family or social pressure is pushing you toward marriage.
- Fear of being alone or of single motherhood
- Financial dependence on your partner
- You feel obligated because he’s “a good guy.”
These motivations might feel reasonable in the moment, but they don’t provide the foundation a lasting marriage needs.
“I just got a positive pregnancy test. I’m 19, my boyfriend and I have been together two years, and now everyone is asking if we’re going to get married. Are we getting married for the wrong reasons?”
This is one of the most common questions we hear at Lifetime Adoption. It deserves a thoughtful, honest answer.
Signs You May Be Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons
Ask yourself these questions honestly:
- Are you more relieved by the idea of getting married than excited?
- Are you marrying him because you love him, or because you’re scared of your other options?
- Would you have considered marrying him before you got pregnant?
- Are you hoping marriage will solve problems in your relationship?
- Do you feel pressured by parents, family, or cultural expectations?
If you answered yes to several of these, you may be on the path to getting married for the wrong reasons, and it’s worth pausing.
Do You Really Know Your Partner?
Even couples who have dated for years may not know each other well enough to commit to marriage and parenthood at the same time. Before making any decision, honestly assess your relationship:
- Do you communicate well and resolve conflicts without cruelty or aggression?
- Does he take responsibility for his actions, or does he deflect blame?
- How does he behave under stress? Stress only increases with a baby.
- Is he financially responsible? Does he have debt, savings, or spending habits that concern you?
- Do your values align around religion, parenting, money, and lifestyle?
- Does he show genuine interest in being an involved parent, not just in theory?
- Is he faithful and committed to you, or do you have doubts?
It can be painful to acknowledge red flags, but doing so now is far less painful than discovering them after marriage and a child.
Do You Really Love Him?
Marriage built on obligation rather than love rarely lasts. Research published in the National Institutes of Health found that marriages resulting from unplanned pregnancies have a 90% divorce rate within six years.
That statistic isn’t meant to scare you. It’s meant to free you from feeling like marriage is the only honorable path.
A loving, committed marriage can absolutely follow an unplanned pregnancy. But the foundation has to be real love and genuine compatibility, not guilt, obligation, or social pressure.
Ask yourself: If I weren’t pregnant, would I be thinking about marrying this person right now? If the answer is no, that matters.
How Will Your Marriage Affect Your Child?
Children thrive in stable, secure environments. A happy home does not require two married parents, but it does require consistency, safety, and love.
An unhappy marriage marked by conflict, resentment, or instability can be more harmful to a child’s development than a single-parent home or an adoptive home with loving parents.
Consider:
- Can you and your partner create a genuinely stable, peaceful home?
- Are you both emotionally ready for the demands of parenthood?
- If the marriage fails in a few years, how will that affect your child?
The goal isn’t to stay together for the child. It’s to give your child a home where they can genuinely flourish.
Are You Ready to Be a Single Mom?
If marriage doesn’t feel like the right path, it’s important to honestly consider what single parenthood would look like for you.
Single motherhood can be beautiful and fulfilling, but it also comes with real challenges:
- Financial strain, especially if you’re still in school or early in your career
- Limited support if family isn’t nearby or willing to help
- Reduced time for your own education, career growth, and personal life
- The emotional weight of making major parenting decisions alone
Many single mothers rise to these challenges with grace. But being honest about your situation is essential before committing to that path.
If you’re not in a position to provide the stability and support your child needs — emotionally, financially, or practically — adoption is a loving option worth considering.
What Is Adoption and Could It Be Right for You?
Adoption is not giving up. It is a deliberate act of love: choosing a future for your child that you may not be able to provide right now.
When you choose adoption, you:
- Select the family you want to raise your child
- Can often stay connected through open adoption
- Give your child opportunities, stability, and love in a prepared home
- Retain the right to make this decision yourself, on your own terms
Lifetime Adoption has supported women through this decision for over 40 years. If you choose to explore adoption, we can help with:
- Finding and affording prenatal care
- Learning about hopeful adoptive parents who match your hopes for your child
- Help with bills during your pregnancy (depending on your state’s adoption laws)
- Maternity clothing
- Confidential counseling before and after your baby’s birth
- 24/7 support from your personal Adoption Coordinator
There is no obligation, no pressure, and no judgment. Every woman who contacts us is met with compassion and respect, whether she ultimately chooses adoption or not.
Get confidential information now →
Adoption and Your Baby’s Father
Your baby’s father is part of this conversation. He may have questions, concerns, or opinions about adoption that deserve space and respect.
We’ve put together a resource specifically for birth fathers: Common questions birth fathers ask about adoption. Sharing this with him can open an honest conversation about what’s best for both of you, and most importantly, for your child.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it wrong to not marry the father of my baby?
No. There is no moral obligation to marry someone simply because you’re pregnant together. What matters is the well-being of your child and yourself. A child raised in a loving single-parent home or adoptive home can thrive just as much as one raised by married parents, sometimes more, if the alternative would be an unhappy or unstable marriage.
What is a “shotgun wedding”?
The term comes from the historical idea that, if a bride became pregnant before marriage, her father might threaten the groom with a shotgun to ensure he married her and protected the family’s reputation.
A shotgun wedding is a marriage arranged quickly because of an unplanned pregnancy, often under family or social pressure rather than genuine desire to marry. Historically common, these marriages often struggled because they weren’t built on love and mutual commitment.
Can a marriage work if it started because of pregnancy?
Yes, but only if both partners genuinely love each other, are compatible, and are choosing marriage freely. The pregnancy itself doesn’t determine the outcome; the quality of the relationship does. Take time to honestly evaluate whether your relationship has that foundation before making a decision.
What are my options if I’m pregnant and not sure if I’m ready to get married or parent alone?
You have three main options:
1. Marriage or co-parenting with your baby’s father
2. Single parenthood, with or without his involvement
3. Adoption, where you choose a loving family to raise your child
All three are valid. None is the “right” answer for everyone. What matters is making the choice that’s right for your situation with honesty and care.
How do I know if I’m ready to be a parent?
There is no perfect checklist, but important factors include: stable housing, financial ability to meet a child’s needs, emotional readiness for the demands of parenthood, a support system, and a genuine desire to parent. If most of those aren’t present right now, it doesn’t mean you’ll never be ready. It means now may not be the right time.
What does Lifetime Adoption offer to pregnant women?
Lifetime Adoption offers free, confidential support to pregnant women exploring their options. This includes information about adoption, help connecting with adoptive families, pregnancy-related financial assistance, counseling, and 24/7 support from an Adoption Coordinator. There is never any pressure or obligation.
Getting Married Because of Unplanned Pregnancy
Getting married for the wrong reasons — whether that’s an unplanned pregnancy, family pressure, or fear — puts both you and your child at risk of an unstable future.
You deserve to make this decision clearly, honestly, and on your own terms. So does your child.
If you’re not sure which path is right, reach out to us. We’ll listen, answer your questions, and support you, whatever you decide.
Talk to an Adoption Coordinator today →
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on August 8, 2017, and has been updated to provide the most current, comprehensive guidance for women navigating unplanned pregnancy decisions.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.
0 Comments