If you’re waiting to adopt, you’ve likely experienced a mix of excitement, anticipation, and uncertainty. While some families receive an adoption opportunity sooner than expected, others spend months or even longer waiting for the call they’ve been praying for. As time passes, it’s natural to wonder why you’re still waiting or even question whether you’re doing something wrong.
The truth is that many hopeful adoptive parents struggle with these thoughts while waiting to adopt. The adoption journey is deeply personal, and every family’s timeline is different. A longer wait isn’t a reflection of your worth, your readiness to become parents, or God’s plan for your family.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Is it my fault I’m still waiting to adopt?” you’re not alone. Let’s look at why these feelings are so common and why you can move forward with hope.
Why Waiting to Adopt Can Feel So Difficult
Waiting to adopt is unlike many other life experiences because so much of the process is outside of your control. After completing your home study, creating your adoption profile, and preparing your home and heart, it can feel like all that’s left to do is wait.
During this season, it’s easy to compare your journey to that of other families. You may hear about someone who matched quickly and wonder why your story is different. You may begin questioning your profile, your preferences, or even whether you’re meant to become parents.
The reality is that every adoption journey is unique. Every expectant mother has different hopes, priorities, and reasons for choosing an adoptive family. Her decision is deeply personal and based on what she believes is best for her child. A longer wait doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong; it simply means your story is still unfolding.
When Waiting Makes You Question Everything
One of the hardest parts of waiting to adopt is that the silence often leads us to ask questions that have no easy answers. Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I should change? Why are other families being chosen while we’re still waiting?
These thoughts are incredibly common, but they aren’t a sign that you’ve failed. Sometimes, they’re simply part of being human during a season of uncertainty.
That’s why the story of Elizabeth Laing Thompson resonates with so many people. The emotions she describes, like the temptation to blame yourself, the struggle to trust God’s timing, and the longing for an answer, mirror what many hopeful adoptive parents experience. Her perspective offers hope to anyone waiting to adopt and wondering whether they’ll ever reach the other side.
The Enemy’s Lies During the Wait
The summer after our third anniversary, I turned to my husband and said, “And now, let there be babies!” We expected our family to grow quickly, just as it seemed to for so many of our friends. But it didn’t.
Whether your adoption journey began after infertility or because God placed adoption on your heart, you’ve probably discovered that growing your family rarely follows your timeline. The adoption process is filled with unknowns, unexpected turns, and seasons of waiting that can test both your emotions and your faith.
As much as faith can comfort us during the adoption journey, it can also become complicated. We pray for the child God has chosen, for paperwork to move forward, for doors to open, and for the right match to come. When those prayers aren’t answered as quickly as we’d hoped or when opportunities fall through, the enemy begins whispering lies:
“Maybe you didn’t pray hard enough.”
“Maybe your faith isn’t strong enough.”
“Maybe God doesn’t think you deserve a child.”
“Maybe this wait is your fault.”
Waiting leaves us vulnerable, and Satan often attacks where we are most insecure. The more we listen to those lies, the louder they become.
But here’s the truth: waiting is not your fault.
Delayed hopes and unanswered prayers are not evidence that God is punishing you or withholding His love. Suffering and waiting are part of life, even for those who faithfully follow Him.
In Luke 1, we’re introduced to Zechariah and Elizabeth with these words: “Both of them were righteous in the sight of God… But they were childless” (Luke 1:6-7). Scripture doesn’t blame them for their long wait. Neither does it blame Sarah, Hannah, Rebekah, or Rachel for the years they longed for children. Their stories remind us that waiting isn’t a sign of God’s disapproval.
Our Heavenly Father is compassionate and full of grace. He understands our fears, our disappointments, and our questions far better than we realize.
The Pressure to Wait Perfectly
Another lie the enemy likes to tell is this: If you don’t wait perfectly, God won’t bless you.
It’s easy to believe that every moment of discouragement, doubt, jealousy, or frustration somehow proves we’re failing a spiritual test. We begin to imagine God keeping score, waiting for us to make one mistake too many.
But that’s not who God is.
Consider Sarah. She waited decades for God’s promise, struggled with doubt, laughed at what seemed impossible, and even tried to take matters into her own hands. Yet God remained faithful to His promise. Her imperfections didn’t cancel God’s plan.
The same is true for us.
God doesn’t expect perfect patience. He delights when we trust Him, but He also understands that waiting is hard. His desire isn’t flawless performance. It’s that we continue turning toward Him instead of giving up.
Remember Who the Real Enemy Is
The enemy’s greatest strategy is convincing us that God is the one withholding good things from us. He wants us to question God’s love, doubt His character, and slowly pull away from the very One who offers comfort and hope.
Don’t let his lies win.
As you wait for your child, remember that God wants to walk beside you through every step of the journey. He sees every tear, hears every prayer, and understands every disappointment.
As Isaiah 43 reminds us:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine… When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned… Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you…”
If you’re waiting to adopt, take heart. God sees you. He hears your prayers. He loves you deeply, and He has not forgotten your family.
That’s the truth.
This story was adapted from Elizabeth’s book, When God Says, “Wait” and When God Says, “Go.” She writes at LizzyLife.com about clinging to Christ through the chaos of daily life. As a minister, speaker, and novelist, she loves finding humor in holiness and hope in heartache.
Elizabeth lives in North Carolina with her preacher husband and four spunky kids, and they were totally worth the wait. You can connect with Elizabeth on her author site, on Facebook, and on Instagram.
Lifetime welcomed Elizabeth Laing Thompson as a special guest in our webinar, “Trusting God With Your Adoption.” She shared her story of waiting for babies and how she stayed grounded in faith, even in the hard parts. You’ll be inspired by this webinar’s real-life talk, validating questions, and honest, practical tips, and Biblical references, to help you trust God in your adoption story.
This webinar is a helpful tool as you prayerfully wait for His next direction of your path to adoption! It will hit home for any Christian hoping to adopt or trying to make sense of where their dream of parenthood is taking them. Visit www.AdoptionWebinar.com to start streaming this webinar.
Waiting Together, Not Apart
If Satan’s lies can make you feel alone with God during the wait, they can just as easily make you feel alone in your marriage. It’s common for one spouse (often the wife) to carry the bulk of the process: the calls, the paperwork, the profile, the constant researching and hoping.
When that happens quietly, without either of you naming it, it can breed a different kind of doubt, one aimed not at God but at each other. But just as waiting isn’t a punishment from God, an uneven load isn’t a sign your marriage is failing. It’s simply a sign you haven’t yet found your footing as a team.
Alongside leaning on God, lean on each other. Talk honestly about where each of you stands, and let your husband step into the process rather than trail behind it. He can help collect documents and schedule appointments for your home study, or help stage photos for your adoption profile.
Celebrate the milestones together, not just the finish line, and when the wait feels unbearable, let that be the moment you reach for one another instead of pulling apart. God sees your wait. So does your spouse. Walk through it hand in hand, not just heavenward, but toward each other too.
What You Can Do While Waiting to Adopt
Although much of adoption is outside your control, there are meaningful ways to use this season while waiting to adopt.
You might:
- Continue learning about adoption and adoptive parenting.
- Spend intentional time strengthening your marriage.
- Prepare your home for your future child.
- Update your adoption profile with new photos or family milestones.
- Stay connected with your adoption coordinator.
- Build relationships with other adoptive families who understand the journey.
- Pray together and ask trusted friends and family to pray alongside you.
These steps won’t eliminate the waiting, but they can help you feel encouraged, prepared, and hopeful as you move closer to becoming parents.
Frequently Asked Questions Families Ask While Waiting to Adopt
How long does waiting to adopt usually take?
Every adoption journey is different. Your wait can be influenced by many factors, including your adoption preferences, openness to different situations, and the individual choices of expectant mothers. Because every adoption opportunity is unique, there’s no “normal” timeline that applies to every family.
Why am I still waiting to adopt?
The answer is almost never because you’ve done something wrong. Expectant mothers make incredibly personal decisions when choosing an adoptive family, and many factors are beyond your control. Your wait isn’t a reflection of your character, your family, or your ability to provide a loving home.
Does a longer wait mean something is wrong?
No. Many wonderful adoptive families experience longer waits before receiving the right opportunity. A longer timeline doesn’t mean your adoption won’t happen. It simply means your family’s story is unfolding differently from someone else’s.
Should I change my adoption preferences?
If you’re wondering whether changes might increase your opportunities, talk with your adoption coordinator before making any decisions. Together, you can review your preferences and discuss whether any adjustments make sense for your family and your goals. Any changes should come from careful prayer and thoughtful consideration, not fear or discouragement.
Is it normal to feel discouraged while waiting to adopt?
Yes. Many hopeful adoptive parents experience seasons of discouragement, anxiety, or self-doubt while waiting. These feelings are normal, and talking with your adoption coordinator, trusted friends, or other adoptive families can provide encouragement.
How can I stay positive while waiting to adopt?
Focus on preparing for parenthood, investing in your marriage, connecting with your support system, and remembering that every adoption journey has its own timeline.
Does waiting longer mean I won’t be chosen?
No. Every expectant mother is looking for the family she believes is the best fit for her child. A longer wait does not mean you won’t be chosen. It simply means your adoption story is unfolding differently.
Remember: Waiting to Adopt Doesn’t Define Your Future Family
If you’re waiting to adopt, it’s easy to believe the wait says something about you. It doesn’t.
Your value isn’t determined by how quickly you’re chosen, and your future family isn’t measured by the number of months you’ve been waiting. Many adoptive parents who now celebrate birthdays, first days of school, and family vacations once wondered if their opportunity would ever come.
Continue preparing, continue hoping, and continue trusting that your story is still being written. The child you’re praying for won’t know how long you waited. They’ll know how deeply they were loved long before they arrived.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on December 12, 2019, and has since been updated.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.
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