When you’re thinking about placing your baby for adoption, it’s important to do your research. Adoption isn’t a decision you’ll want to make overnight. Maybe you’re wondering about the pros and cons of choosing adoption.
Since every woman’s situation is unique, every woman will have her own pros and cons list about adoption to evaluate. Working with a qualified adoption professional like Lifetime can help you identify what’s important during your adoption process. Here is a list of potential adoption pros and cons for you to consider.
Pros of Adoption
The ability to choose the adoptive family for your child.
Your Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime will show you profiles of families depending upon your criteria. Perhaps you want your child to grow up with older siblings or a family of the same ethnicity as the baby.
You can select the adoptive parents that fit what you’re looking for. Once you pick your top three adoptive couples, you can meet them and get to know them better. Your Adoption Coordinator will be with you through this process. She is here to help you find out more about your choices and decide what to ask potential adoptive parents.
Maintaining a lifelong relationship with your child
Open adoptions are very popular. Choosing an open adoption plan gives you the chance to stay in contact with your child through emails, letters, and even visits. You’ll also get to know the adoptive family when you have an open adoption. Studies show that open adoptions help birth mothers experience less sadness and pain due to the loss of adoption. Many adopted adults have a wonderful relationship with their birth mothers because of open adoptions.
Peace of mind about the safety and security of your baby
Perhaps you’re looking into adoption because you know you couldn’t provide a stable home environment for a baby. Along with choosing your baby’s adoptive parents and gifting your baby with a better life, you can have the benefit of peace of mind for your child. Adoption gives you the ability to provide your child opportunities you couldn’t provide for them.
You’ll have peace of mind knowing your child is with a loving family, so you won’t worry that your child isn’t getting all the things they need. As one of Lifetime’s birth mothers, Claire, puts it, “After meeting my daughter’s soon-to-be adoptive parents, I felt this sense of peace come over me. It was amazing. I knew that my daughter would be safe and secure for the rest of her life.”
Peace of mind is a priceless benefit you get when choosing adoption.
Gives you a chance for a new start
Life gets totally interrupted when it comes to an unplanned pregnancy. Absolutely everything changes when you find out you are pregnant, especially when you weren’t ready to be pregnant yet.
Your body will change, your hormones shift, and people in your life will respond to your unexpected pregnancy for better or worse. When you became pregnant, your life changed. Going from caring only for yourself to supporting the little life inside of you can change your priorities.
Choosing adoption can allow an unprepared expectant mother to have a second shot at life. It allows for more mature decisions to be made in the future. Adoption allows you the chance to pursue your personal goals. You’ve been through a lot. After the adoption is finalized, it’s time to take care of yourself.
You might want to go back to school, get a new job, or travel. Whatever your personal goals, adoption gives you the opportunity to go after these things in a new way.
Also, you may be able to receive financial help during your pregnancy. Depending upon the adoption laws in the state you live in, you can receive financial aid to cover your rent, pregnancy-related medical expenses, groceries, and anything related to the adoption process. This financial assistance ensures that you will start your new life without being in debt.
Cons of Adoption
A lack of support
Not everyone in your life will agree with your decision to place your child for adoption. They may try to guilt you or change your mind. You might explain that you have plans for your future, and parenting a child right now would stop those plans. You can let people know that you are placing your child with a loving family whose dreams you are helping come true. Prepare to explain open adoption and how you will be able to receive updates, photos, and perhaps even visits with your child. Many people do not know about modern adoption.
At the end of the day, though, adoption is your choice. You are deciding what’s best for you and your child. Even if others aren’t on board with your decision, you can move forward with what you think is right. Talk with your Adoption Coordinator about your lack of family or friend support. She has experience with situations like this and can provide the support you need or help you find a counselor for support during the adoption process.
Going through the grief process
It’s normal to feel grief after you place your child for adoption. After placement, it’s common for a birth mother to feel:
These are very normal feelings. Over time, your sense of grief will lessen as you work through your emotions. You will be able to move on knowing that you made the right choice for your child.
Eventually, you will need to process these emotions and go through the grieving process. Talk with your Adoption Coordinator. She can provide a listening ear and connect you with licensed counseling at no cost to you.
Intense emotions about your decision
Choosing adoption can be very emotionally painful. You’re not only grieving a loss related to your child, but you may also grieve losing the role of “mom” to your child. You may feel lost and empty at times.
Once you’ve consented to your child’s adoption and the court finalizes it, it’s a done deal. You may feel a sense of relief and regret at the same time. It will pass over time as you continue to have contact with the adoptive family and your child. It will comfort your heart seeing how happy your child is with their loving family.
Lifetime Adoption is Here to Help
Like so many things in life, there are pros and cons of choosing adoption. It’s important that you consider the pros and cons of placing your baby for adoption to make the best choice for you and your child.
The adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption are always available to help you with the life-changing decision of adoption. Just call or text 1-800-923-6784. They can answer all your questions and explain the adoption process, so you’re able to make an informed decision. They understand the difficulty of your decision and will support you throughout the entire process.
As the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.