“My baby’s father and I have decided that adoption is the best choice we can make for our baby. But, we’re facing a lot of negativity from my friends, who say we shouldn’t place our baby up for adoption, that this baby is our responsibility. What should we do?”
Choosing adoption for your baby is one of the most mature and brave decisions you can make when you’re not ready to be a parent. It does take a lot of responsibility to take a step back and admit that being a mom right now just isn’t a possibility.
You’re probably going through a lot of emotions right now, including self-doubt, anger, depression, and guilt. While you deal with all these emotions, you’re also dealing with your changing body, hormones, and the life growing inside you. Being surrounded by friends giving their unwanted advice just adds to your stress. They might be pressuring you to parent your baby.
The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself for the situation you’re in now. Shut out all the people who are telling you how to live your life. Since your friends aren’t in your shoes, they’re not the best ones to offer advice right now. They’re not invested in your situation. Think about it: if you decide to parent, will they offer to come over at 2 am and help you with your baby who won’t stop wailing?
Do you have the needed educational, physical, and financial resources that are needed to give a child the life he or she deserves? If the answer is no, adoption is the best way to make sure that your baby grows up in a secure and loving family. It may help for you to speak with a peer counselor at Lifetime; these are women who decided to make an adoption plan for their child, and so they’ve “been there, done that.”
Lifetime Adoption has a large variety of adoptive parents to choose from; couples from everywhere in the U.S. and from various backgrounds and ethnicities. They have gone through background checks and have been visited by a social worker, so you can be confident your baby will be safe. Adoptive families can provide the needed values, faith, and love your baby needs as they grow up. Most adoptive couples are open to some amount of future contact, whether it’s through emails, letters, photos, social media, or in-person visits.
You can browse adoptive families here.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certiﬁed Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the ﬁrst adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.