How the Open Adoption Agreement Benefits Everyone in Your Child’s Life

Once your adoption is finalized, it’s a very natural reaction to want to focus entirely on bonding with your new child. Many families say they’d like to leave the adoption process behind — the paperwork, the interviews, the waiting. These feelings are completely understandable.
 
But amid all your joy, it’s important to remember and honor the open adoption contact agreement you made with the birth mother. Keeping this commitment benefits every member of the adoption triad: you, your child, and the birth family.
 

What Is an Open Adoption Contact Agreement (PACA)?

An open adoption contact agreement — also called a Post-Adoption Contact Agreement, or PACA — is a formal arrangement that creates guidelines for ongoing contact between adoptive and birth families after an adoption is finalized.

According to the National Council for Adoption (NCFA), a PACA is “an arrangement that creates guidelines for contact after the adoption is finalized. These agreements are typically made between members of the adoptive family and members of the birth family and can also include the child if they are over the age of 12. They usually include provisions for sharing information about the child in the future, as well as considerations regarding the amount and type of contact that will occur.” (NCFA, Post-Adoption Contact Agreements, August 2025)

Contact arrangements vary widely. Depending on what you and the birth mother agreed to, they may include letters, emails, photos, phone calls, video messages, or in-person visits — scheduled anywhere from monthly to once a year.

Is a PACA Legally Enforceable?

It depends on your state. Some states make these agreements fully enforceable in court; others treat them as agreements of good faith. Even when not legally binding, the NCFA notes that “once a PACA is agreed upon, it is incumbent on all parties to honor the agreements made.” Either way, honoring your agreement is the right thing to do — for your child and for the birth mother who trusted you.

Why Honoring Your Open Adoption Agreement Benefits Everyone

Honoring your open adoption contact agreement benefits the entire adoption triad by:

• Providing helpful medical information
• Answering your child’s questions about their identity and origins
• Creating more people who love and support your child
• Giving the birth mother reassurance and peace of mind

Provides Helpful Medical Information

One of the most practical benefits of maintaining contact through your open adoption agreement is access to your child’s ongoing medical history. Kids sometimes develop inherited conditions such as asthma, psoriasis, and hearing or vision problems. More serious conditions like heart defects or genetic illnesses can also arise.

Being able to ask the birth mother whether a condition runs in her family gives you and your child’s doctor a fuller picture. Open adoption communication keeps that door open throughout your child’s life, not just at placement.

Answers Your Child’s Questions

Maintaining a relationship with your child’s birth mother allows your child to get their questions answered as they arise, rather than waiting years for an adoption reunion.

Open adoption communication helps prevent children from filling in unknown parts of their story with imagined details. It also helps counter feelings of abandonment and rejection that children in closed adoptions have faced. When your child can see and know their birth mother, they understand from an early age that they were loved and chosen.

Creates More Love for Your Child

Honoring your open adoption contact agreement expands your child’s circle of love. As the relationship with your child’s birth parents continues, they’ll see that you are trustworthy, that you kept your promises. This confirms to them that they made the right decision in choosing you.

Staying in touch also gives the birth mother ongoing reassurance about her child’s well-being. Whether that’s through letters, photos, or visits, knowing her child is thriving is one of the most meaningful things you can offer her.

Practical Ideas for Keeping in Contact

Most adoptive families not only honor their contact agreements, but also go further, because a genuine relationship naturally develops. Here are some ideas that families have found helpful:

Letters or photos: Set a calendar reminder several weeks before your agreed-upon schedule so you’re not scrambling at the last minute.

Shared website: Create a private site where you post updates and photos. The birth family can check in whenever they’d like.

Email or video messages: These are easy to send, allow you to attach photos, and feel more personal than a form letter.

In-person visits: Choose a comfortable, low-key setting — a pizza place, a park, a family-friendly restaurant. Bring a photo album from the year. Ask about the birth mother’s life, too. She’ll appreciate being seen as a whole person, not just a role.

What If We Want to Stop or Change the Open Adoption Agreement?

Occasionally, adoptive families feel they want to reduce or end contact. If that desire comes from a legitimate concern about your child’s well-being, your adoption professional can help you work through it thoughtfully.

What we at Lifetime do not support is agreeing to contact just to complete the adoption, with no intention of following through. This approach harms the birth mother, who trusted your word, and it harms your child, who will eventually ask why you didn’t keep your promise to the woman who gave them life.

If you have genuine concerns, address them honestly with your adoption counselor. There is almost always a path forward that protects your child while respecting the relationship.

What If Problems Come Up?

Open adoption relationships, like all relationships, can hit bumps. Personal differences, changing life circumstances, or unclear boundaries can create friction. Here’s how to approach it:

• Be honest. Address issues directly and kindly, rather than going silent.
• Involve your adoption professional if communication breaks down. They can serve as a helpful intermediary.
• Remember who it’s for. Your child’s well-being is the north star. Keeping some level of open communication (even if adjusted) usually serves them best.

You are the parent. You have the final word on contact. Move forward with patience and kindness, knowing that someday your child will understand the choices you made.

The Open Adoption Agreement Benefits Everyone in Your Child’s Life

Every open adoption is different. There’s no single script for how to maintain contact with a birth family. It’s a unique relationship built on mutual trust, respect, and a shared commitment to the child at the center of it all.

Open adoption is not co-parenting. You are raising your child. But honoring the contact agreement you made shows both your child’s birth mother and your child that your word means something. That kind of integrity is one of the most powerful gifts you can pass on.

Have questions about your open adoption agreement? Contact the Lifetime Adoption team — we’re here to help.

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Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on April 2, 2025, and has since been updated.