The decision to make an adoption plan for your baby is not an easy one. When you choose adoption, you are making a loving decision for your baby. At the same time, you might worry about what your child will think later on.
Many adults who were adopted have questions about their birth parents. Children ask questions too, but they are often more basic. The questions evolve and may become more difficult as they grow older, but adoptees really just want to know where they come from. They want to know about their heritage and build a sense of self as they grow older.
You may be placing a baby for adoption today, but this sweet little baby will grow into an adult with the desire to connect to their history. What does this mean for you as a birth mother? It means you might want your baby’s adoptive parents to have specific information about you and your family. You can prepare for these questions by giving your child’s adoptive parents the answers to some common questions adoptees have when they grow older.
Today, we’re sharing how you can help answer these three common questions your child might ask someday:
- What was going through your mind at the time?
- What is my ethnic or racial heritage?
- What is my birth family’s medical background?
What Was Going Through Your Mind?
At some point, your child will likely wonder what led you to the decision to place them for adoption. It’s only natural for an adoptee to consider what you were thinking at this time in your life, especially as they reach their adult years and wonder about the decisions they would have made.
Your child may reach a point where they need to make a decision, much like the one you made. They might benefit from having a sense of guidance and understanding. As somebody who chose adoption, you could be the perfect person to guide them.
So, how can you provide guidance, even when you are not there? One way to give your baby insight is to start writing in a journal now. Write about your thoughts and feelings in the days and weeks surrounding your child’s birth. This journal can someday give your child information from your point of view. Nobody can share your thoughts and feelings the same way you can.
What Is My Ethnic (or Racial) Heritage?
Everybody wants to know where they come from. Your child will one day want to know about their ethnic and racial heritage. Not only will they want to know about your background, but they will also want to know about their birth father’s heritage.
If you choose adoption for your baby, you can help a lot by gathering as much information about your child’s birth father as possible. Even if you choose open adoption and have a strong relationship with your child’s adoptive family years from now, your child’s birth father might not have this same relationship.
One way you can tell your child about their heritage is to write a letter to be opened when they’re older. With this letter, you can include photos of each side of the child’s family. This helps your child see what their parents looked like when they were born.
Photos are also good, because they show your child where he or she gets different features. Does your baby have his birth father’s smile? His birth mother’s nose? Knowing where these features come from clears up questions children often have when they are adopted.
What Is My Birth Family’s Medical Background?
When your baby grows up, he or she is sure to have questions that are about their physical well-being. When your child goes to the doctor, he or she will need to fill out paperwork that asks about their family’s history of health conditions. They might be asked about heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and mental health issues.
The reason for this is that some health issues are more common in people who have a family history of the condition. Your child can use the information you give them to make better decisions for their future. It could even save your child’s life.
Adoption Comes With Many Questions
Adoption is a complex issue for everybody involved. Not only do you have a lot of decisions in the future, but you are also dealing with the fact that your child might have a lot of questions about you. You made a loving choice to place your child with a family that provides unconditional love for your baby. That doesn’t mean that your love for them isn’t also unconditional. You can share your love with your child through photos, letters, videos, and other ways to communicate in the coming years.
Need some more advice as you consider adoption? You can always reach out to a Lifetime Adoption coordinator for one-on-one guidance.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.