“My son is my heart and soul, and I think about him every day. I love him so much, more than anyone else. I carried him for nine months, and so he’ll always carry a piece of my heart. When I was giving my baby up for adoption, so many people were against my decision. They asked me why, if I love him so much, did I choose adoption?
1. For my son
When I thought about parenting, most it was about me. I wanted to be there for every one of his firsts, to feed him, dress him, and rock him to sleep. I didn’t want to miss him. But I knew he deserved better than to be raised in the chaotic situation I was in.
I did adoption for my son. He would be raised in a stable home with two parents, not one. Since I stay in contact with his adoptive parents, I’ll be able to answer his questions, and I’ll be there to reassure him that he was loved, not abandoned. If I’d chosen to parent, he wouldn’t have had his physical and emotional needs met as well as he has with his adoptive family.
2. I wasn’t ready
The fact is, I wasn’t ready to care for a baby. I had lots of love for my son, but I hadn’t even become an adult yet. When I got pregnant, I was in an unhealthy relationship. When family or friends tried to help, I pushed them away. Instead, I surrounded myself with toxic people. I wasn’t ready (mentally or emotionally) to raise my son the way he deserved.
Because of adoption, both he and I thrive. He’s well-adjusted and has a very healthy attachment to his parents. They were excited and ready to be parents. They have a strong marriage, their finances are in order, and they have healthy relationships with their families.
Since the adoption, I’ve been able to focus on myself and start to grow up. I don’t know where I’d be today if I chose to parent! I’ve been able to learn to respect myself and have healthy relationships. If I’d parented, I wouldn’t have been able to get the education I have now.
3. I needed to be practical
I had planned to parent for a while. I dreamed that I’d be with my angelic baby all day, happy and safe. But of course, that wasn’t reality. My baby would have spent most of his time begin cared for by someone else while I worked all the time just to put food on the table.
I wanted him to have a great childhood, with parents who love each other and siblings who tease and protect each other. I wanted him to have a stay-at-home mom and a dad whose job provided well so my son wouldn’t have to want for anything. When I was pregnant, I realized that I couldn’t give him that kind of life so I found someone who could.
4. I knew he’d be loved
With adoption, he gets more than just my love. He gets the love of his parents and big sister. He has four extended families that love him. Because of open adoption, he’ll be able to know how loved he is by his birth and adoptive families.
I chose adoption because it was the best thing for my son. I didn’t abandon him. I loved him so much that I had to let him go. Adoption was the way I could give him the life I wanted him to have.”
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As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.