So you’ve selected adoptive parents for your baby and decided to match with them. With modern adoption, you have choices on how you’d like to move forward with them during the rest of your pregnancy.
Since you’ll be a part of each other’s lives for years to come, it’s a good idea to get to know your child’s adoptive parents throughout your pregnancy. This will allow you to feel positive in the decision you make.
Here are 4 ways you can connect with the adoptive couple:
Over the Phone
When you speak with the adoptive couple on the phone, you can talk about your pregnancy, what you want for your child as they grow up, and how involved you’d like to be. Your adoption match should be a conversational and cooperative journey between you and the adoptive parents. So, let this be a two-way conversation where you share your wishes. Your Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime will help you and the adoptive parents throughout the entire process.
If talking on the phone with the couple seems intimidating to you, you might start by emailing back and forth with them. Here’s a way to think about it: you’re trying to get to know a new friend, and you already have one of the most important people in your lives in common.
Lifetime encourages that you have a face-to-face meeting because it allows everyone to feel more comfortable with each other. Just think how much more comfortable you will feel by having been able to meet the adoptive couple before you give birth. Meeting in person shows that they care about you, and not just the baby. We recommend that you choose a public, casual location at first, so there’s no pressure.
At the Hospital
Most adoptive families will want to be at the hospital when the baby is born. It’s up to you whether or not they’re allowed in the delivery room. Many birth mothers choose to have just the adoptive mother present. It’s smart to think about how your hospital stay will go down before you go into labor. Here are some other things to think about for your hospital stay:
- Do you want one of your family members or friends with you at the hospital?
- How much time do you want alone with your baby after birth?
- Do you want to leave the hospital at the same time as your child’s adoptive family?
The Choices Are Yours
It’s up to you how much pre-birth contact you’d like to have with the adoptive couple. If you’re hoping for an open adoption, we recommend that you take this time before your baby is born to get to know the adoptive family. Many birth mothers have said that getting to know the adoptive family during their pregnancy made them feel more secure in their decision; they were able to realize that this was the right family for their baby.
Lifetime is always here for you to talk to about your baby, the process,
any concerns you have, and so much more.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certiﬁed Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the ﬁrst adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.