How to Overcome Your Fear of Bonding with Your Adopted Child

by | Mar 12, 2019 | Adoptive Families Blog

Mother and daughter hug each otherChris and Amanda encountered a fear that many adoptive parents experience during the adoption process. They worried they might not be able to love a child that was not of their bodies. The couple recently shared the incredible story of how they overcame that fear.

After struggling with infertility, the couple started to consider adoption. Amanda admits that at first, she wondered if she’d be unable to bond with someone else’s child. This adoption fear made her unsure of whether or not they should pursue adoption.

Luckily, Chris and Amanda had a wonderful experience that helped them overcome this fear. The couple went to the House of Prayer every Monday night for a two-hour worship session. One night, they walked in, and there was one person in the center on her knees praying.

It was their friend who they had not seen in years. When she turned around and saw Chris and Amanda, she imminently walked up to them and told them she had been looking all over for them. The members of her church had told her to go to the worship center and pray. God would answer her prayers and bring Chris and Amanda to her.

She continued to tell Chris and Amanda that she was in the middle of a difficult custody battle. The family court wanted to remove her child from her home during the dispute and needed a place for the child by the very next day. If they couldn’t find a family friend to take her, the child would have to be placed in foster care.

Chris and Amanda were immediately faced with having to decide whether or not to help. They felt that God wanted them to help. They interviewed with family court and the next day the three-year-old was brought to their home. Chris and Amanda were initially told that the child would be with them for 90 days. Ninety days turned into five months.

Amanda and Chris bonded with the toddler immediately. She wanted to call them “mommy Amanda” and “daddy Chris.” They did their best to emphasize to her that her mommy still loved her and was fighting to get her back, but at the same time they gave everything to her and loved her very deeply even though they knew it was a temporary situation.

Chris explains that God placed this child with them to teach them that if they gave their hearts and loved and cared for one another, they would easily be able to bond with their adopted child. Chris and Amanda waited over a year to adopt. They turned to their faith and trusted that God would place the right child with them at the right time.

If you are interested in adoption but worried about being able to bond with a child that is not biologically yours, give us a call at 530-271-1740.

We would be happy to talk with you about your concerns to help you decide if
adoption is right for you.

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P.
Written by Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P.

Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).

Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.

“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!

Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.

I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.

It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”

Read More About Mardie Caldwell

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