“Adoption is one of the greatest things you could ever do”

by | Jan 1, 2021 | Birth Parent Blog

This guest post is by Adrianne, a birth mother who chose adoptive parents for her son using Lifetime’s help. Today, she provides peer support to other women considering adoption.
Birth mother Adrianne sharing her storyWhen I first found out I was pregnant, I thought my life was over. I was in disbelief, and when I went to get my first ultrasound, I laid and just silently cried. My initial plan was actually to get an abortion. I had taken out a loan; I was going to go to any lengths to get that taken care of. When I got that check in my hand was the first time that my child kicked me.
I always imagined myself taking care of my own kids and things like that, so I never imagined adoption being an option for me. Being an African American woman raised in the church, you didn’t want to bring shame on your family, and often times in the African American community, historically, our children were taken from us. So, the last thing that we want to do is to willingly give our kids to somebody to take care of. But a lot of people don’t know that when a parent places the child in the care of a grandparent or an Aunt, that’s still adoption one way or another.
Adrianne looking out a large windowMy mom placed a packet of information on African American adoptions on my bed. I sat and wrote down the pros and cons of adoption versus keeping the baby, and the pros actually outweighed the cons.
When I called my agency for the first time, there was this beautiful soft voice on the other side of the phone, her name was Libby, and she was just amazing from start to finish.
She asked me what was my desire was in a family, and I told her I wanted an African American family and that I wanted them married, and I wanted them to have a faith foundation. I didn’t feel judged. They made me feel like I was making a good decision, and so knowing that really got me through the initial process of getting the adoption started.
When you place a child for adoption, that is a loss. I remember my mom; she said, “Adrianne, you know you can’t go to bed crying and wake up crying,” and I was like, “Mom, but it hurts, it just hurts, like I’m going to miss my baby.”

Adrianne, adoptive mom Cheryl, and Adrianne's son

Adoptive mother Cheryl with Adrianne and her son, 2006

I was just drawn to both Doug and Cheryl, them as a couple, and them as a family. Their family background, where they come from, where they live. I wanted them. I wanted nobody but them. And they were already placed with another birth mother. The young lady that they were placed with actually changed her mind at the last minute.
I felt nothing but warmth and love from them. Both Doug and Cheryl, they just embraced me. It just felt like family. Cheryl is just everything to me; she means the world to me. She is my baby mama because she takes care of my baby, and she calls me her baby mama because I gave birth to her baby. I’m just glad she’s my son’s mom. Doug is really a silent giant. He’s a big guy with a big heart. That is my son’s buddy. That’s dad.
Adrianne with her son

Adrianne enjoys a visit with her son

To this day, I still work with my adoption company (Lifetime) to do peer counseling and talk to women who are going through this same process. I wish that a lot more African American young ladies would take this step.
It looks bleak right now, and I know it’s going to hurt, and I know it’s going to hard, but you’re going to be fine.
To be a birth mother, it takes a lot of heart, and it takes a lot of strength. Adoption is of the greatest things a parent could ever do…to place their child into the hands of someone else to honor and love and care for them. It’s about our children, and once we get there, we will be alright.
I often have people ask me will I go and get my son. I wouldn’t because he has great parents who love him and care for him. I wouldn’t want to break the hearts of two people who have raised him.
Being able to see my son in the flesh, touch him, hear him laugh see him smile. I can get on a plane and go and just see him smile, and I’ll be alright.


Adrianne and her son today

Adrianne and her son today

Today, Adrianne’s son is a happy and healthy 14-year-old. She visits him and his family every year in Atlanta for his birthday.

If you’re thinking about adoption for your baby, it can help to talk with a woman who’s been where you’re at right now. Lifetime’s Peer Support Program was designed so that you can connect with a birth mother who has been through it all before!
You can meet the birth mothers offering peer support here. Talking with a birth mother can provide a sense of security and allow you to feel more grounded and confident in your choice.

Heather Featherston

Written by Heather Featherston

As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston

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