It can be challenging to be a mom, even if you have friends and family who will help. You might be wondering about the role your baby’s father will play in the future. Whether he’s around or not, he’ll play a big role in your child’s life.
So before deciding if you’ll parent or do adoption, take a good, hard look at what kind of dad he’d be. Pay attention to these signs of a good father as you ask yourself, “Will he be a good dad?”
- He’s helpful
It’s a good sign that your guy will be a good dad if he jumps up to help you clean up the kitchen after a meal. When he’s grabbing something from the fridge, does he ask you if you need anything? Does he put away his stuff?
- He can handle pressure
Great dads don’t fold under the pressures of life. Observe how he handles work deadlines or traffic jams. Does he get angry when the pressure increases? Or is he calm when life is difficult?
Being a parent means handling pressure; think screaming toddler at two in the morning. Pay attention if your baby’s dad is calm and cool under pressure. These are signs of a good father.
- He’s responsible
Good dads are responsible at work and at home. They take responsibility for things around the house. If they can’t fix something, they get someone to fix it.
Being a responsible dad means taking their child to school on time, helping with homework, or putting the baby down at bedtime. A good dad will spend time with their child because they know it’s important for them and to you.
- He can laugh at himself
Good fathers have a sense of humor. They can laugh at themselves when they make a mistake. A guy that takes himself too seriously will be angry and demanding.
Ask yourself if you’d want your baby’s father to be your dad? Would they be fun to be around? If so, there is a good chance they’d make a great dad for your child.
- He is kindhearted
One sign of a good father is that he’s loving and caring. Perhaps you notice he’s a kindhearted son to his mom or uncle to his nephews. Is he loving and caring towards you? These are all signs your baby’s father would be a good daddy.
- He’s a good authority figure
Does your baby’s father show tough love when needed? Would he be a good authority figure for your child?
A father needs to be able to say “no” to their child when it’s in the child’s best interest. If he exhibits these good qualities now, there is a good chance he’ll be a good daddy to his child.
These are signs of a good father. Whether cleaning up spilled Cheerios or changing your baby’s diapers, a good dad is ready to help.
Signs of a Good Father – Questions to Ask Yourself
If you’re wondering if your baby’s father would be a good dad, here are 14 serious questions to ask yourself:
- Can you picture yourself growing old with him?
- If he has younger cousins and siblings, is he a good role model to them?
- Does he have a job? Can he hold down a steady job for longer than a few weeks?
- When he’s with friends, does he pay his own way?
- Does it seem like he drinks too much or takes drugs?
- Has he ever cheated on you?
- If he has other children, what kind of father is he to them?
- Does your family like him? What about your friends?
- Has he ever been in trouble with the law?
- Do you feel safe when you’re with him?
- Would you want your son to grow up and be like him?
- How does he act towards his parents? Is he respectful and kind?
- Does he have any history of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse?
- Does he follow through on what he says he will do?
Take a long, hard look at your baby’s father’s behavior. How he acts now will be how he acts after your baby is born. He won’t suddenly have the good character qualities of a father. For example, do his actions suggest that he will be willing to share the responsibility of late-night feedings, or do they hint that he’d just put a pillow over his head? Will he help pay for everything your baby needs, soothe your baby back to sleep, change diapers, and participate in bonding time?
Or do his actions suggest he’ll ghost you when times get tough?
Observing his actions and how he treats the people in his life today will give you a good picture of what life will be like when your baby is born. If you decide to keep your baby and parent, he will be responsible for paying child support. He’ll also have the opportunity to share custody.
What About Adoption?
If you aren’t sure you’re ready to become a mom right now, you may want to consider adoption as an option. Remember, it’s not selfish to choose adoption. Choosing loving and ready adoptive parents to raise your baby is a loving choice.
Your baby’s father can be involved in the decision. He can help you choose your baby’s adoptive parents, and he can get updates on his child, too. Even if you’re no longer together, he can see his son or daughter grow up through email updates, phone calls, social media posts, and visits, just like you can.
Take some time to talk with your baby’s father about adoption. It’s perfectly fine to want more out of life before you “settle down.” Don’t put your child’s future at risk if you and the father aren’t ready to fully commit to being devoted parents. Think about what kind of home life you want for your child. Here are some resources where you can learn more about birth fathers and adoption:
- Birth Father Rights
- Can Birth Fathers Get Their Own Open Adoption Updates?
- How to Tell the Birth Father About Your Adoption Plan
- Adoption Without Birth Father Consent: Is It Possible?
- Pregnant and Alone: How to Move Forward When Your Baby’s Father Won’t Support You
- What If My Baby’s Father Is Against Adoption?
- 4 Ways the Birth Father Can Support Your Adoption
- A Birth Father Story
If you or your baby’s father have questions, our adoption coordinators at Lifetime Adoption are ready to help in any way we can. We can answer questions about your baby’s father or how adoption works. Just text or call Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on April 5, 2019, and has since been updated.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certiﬁed Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the ﬁrst adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.