Question: “My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years, and we live together. We just found out that I’m pregnant, and we’re definitely not ready to be parents! Neither of us can hold down a job and we’ve been evicted from apartments lots of times over the past year.
He’s trying to persuade me to get an abortion, but I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. I’m thinking of adopting out my baby. How can I convince him that adoption is the best choice in our situation?”
Answer: Your pregnancy and how baby’s future plays out is ultimately your decision. Just think about how you’d feel if he convinced you to do abortion. You’d be the one left facing the physical and emotional effects of the abortion afterward, not him.
When men are faced with an unexpected pregnancy and not ready to be a dad, many feel that abortion is the clear choice. They may not be aware that there is a third pregnancy choice out there besides parenting and abortion: adoption is an option.
Most birth fathers just don’t know or understand the process of adoption and say “I could never give my baby away.” They don’t know that open adoption isn’t saying goodbye forever. It means choosing the adoptive parents and staying in touch throughout the years. But because this isn’t common knowledge, abortion is often seen as the easy way out.
Since you’re considering adoption, it’s a good idea to sit down with him and share more about it. Tell him about all the reasons that you feel adoption is the best decision for you, him, and your future baby. Also, share why you’re against getting an abortion.
It may help for the two of you to speak with an expert in the field of adoption. Call or send a text to Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784 to get free, confidential info about how open adoption works. That line is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so you can contact us whenever you’re ready. Talking with you and an Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime may help him to see the situation from a different angle.
Remember, no one can force you to make a decision that’s not right for you: not your friends, your parents, or even the father of your baby.
You can start exploring adoption today by requesting a free Adoption Planning Kit. It’ll arrive in the mail confidentially, and won’t say “adoption” anywhere on the package.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.