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Woman thinks about her unplanned pregnancy as she looks out the window“I’m 21 weeks pregnant and the father of my baby wants nothing to do with me and the baby. He’s told me to get an abortion and has blocked me on everything, so I cannot contact him. What can I do? Can I somehow get financial support from him? I feel so alone and unsure what to do right now.”
-Janessa

 
Whether or not your pregnancy was planned, it takes two people to make a baby. You and the baby’s father were supposed to be in this together. You can’t help but feel betrayed and rejected when you lack support from the one person you want it from the most. While it is completely unfair for the weight of this situation to fall solely on your shoulders, you are not alone, and you are still in control of your future.
 

Give It Some Time

Give your baby’s father some time to come around. People’s first reactions aren’t always their finest moments. He may have just had a knee-jerk reaction to this life-changing news. He might be thinking:
 
I’m not ready to be a father.
I never planned to have kids.
What will people think of me?
 
After some time to process and imagine a different life path, he may be more willing to support you with your decision. Pressuring him one way or the other won’t do any good. For now, try to focus on what’s best for you and your baby.
 

Don’t Let Anyone Pressure You

This is your life and your choice.
 
Do not let the baby’s father pressure you into getting an abortion. That is a permanent decision that you may regret for the rest of your life if it is not what you truly want. This is your future, and only you can decide what will be best for you and your baby. You do have options!
 

Becoming a Single Parent

While weighing the option to parent your child, imagine that life as a single parent. Maybe your baby’s father will come around, but at this moment, you can’t base your plans on him. Is being a single mom something you can handle both financially and emotionally?
 
Support services such as WIC and Medicaid can help ease the financial strain of being a single parent.
 
Your baby’s father will also be required to pay child support. A court cannot force the baby’s father to have a physical or emotional relationship with his child, but they can require the father to provide financial assistance.
 
Ideally, your baby’s father will agree to a paternity test to collect child support from him. If he does not cooperate, you can file a civil lawsuit to determine paternity. In some cases, this can even be done before the baby is born. Paternity laws differ by state, so you should consult with an attorney who specializes in family law.
 

Exploring the Option of Adoption

If you can’t imagine raising your child on your own, adoption may be the answer you are looking for. In a modern, open adoption, you have complete control over the entire process. The adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption will help you every step of the way. You will be able to:

Can I Choose Adoption if the Baby’s Father Is Not Involved?

Generally, adoption requires both parents’ consent, but there are some circumstances where it can be done without the father’s consent. adoption laws vary in each state. Depending on what state you are in, you may not need the father’s consent if:

  • He is abusive.
  • He is a convicted felon.
  • He is currently in jail.
  • He is dealing with drug addiction.
  • He can’t be found.

However, the best scenario for a smooth adoption process is to get the father’s consent in writing. Your adoption professionals or an adoption attorney can guide you through this.
 
The baby’s father could object to the adoption, but that usually only happens if he wants custody of the child. If your baby’s father does not provide support during your pregnancy or cannot show that he will be able to support the child properly, he can be denied the right to object to the adoption.
 

Make a Choice That’s Right for You

If your baby’s father changes his mind about being a part of his child’s life, you can start making these plans together. But for now, focus on what’s best for you and your baby.
 
Your baby has created a connection between you and this man that could last for the next 18 years, but you are still in control of what that relationship looks like. You have your baby’s future to consider, and you need to make the best choices for your health and happiness too. The adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption can offer support and non-judgmental guidance for whichever path is right for you.
 

Curious about adoption? Call or text Lifetime Adoption at
1-800-923-6784, anytime. You can also contact us here for free adoption information.

Heather Featherston
Written by Heather Featherston

As the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston