Telling your boyfriend you’re pregnant can be intimidating when the pregnancy is unplanned. But since almost half of all pregnancies are unplanned, you’re not the first woman to wonder how to how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. No matter how great a person he is, the news of an unexpected pregnancy will come as a shock to him. You don’t know what his reaction will be.
The important thing is that you tell him as soon as you find out you’re pregnant so he can process the information. Honesty and trust are the foundation of any relationship, so if you want to stay together, you can’t lie about what’s on your mind.
So how should you approach this conversation with him? Here are 5 helpful tips for how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant.
1. Confirm Your Pregnancy
An over-the-counter test you buy at the store may not be reliable. Many of these tests claim to be 99% accurate, when in fact, they haven’t been through a scientific study to prove their accuracy.
Before you decide how to tell your boyfriend that you’re pregnant, get a medical-grade pregnancy test from your doctor to confirm the pregnancy. You will have a urine or blood test done to confirm the pregnancy during your doctor’s visit. If you don’t currently have a doctor or healthcare, you can search for a pregnancy center near you that offers free medical pregnancy tests.
2. Get Prepared Emotionally
As you prepare to tell your boyfriend you’re pregnant, take some time to clear your mind and think about what you want to say. Relax with deep breathing or some gentle yoga stretches. Although telling your boyfriend that you’re pregnant is going to be an emotional experience, try to stay calm and focused on giving him the information. You will need mental and emotional strength at the moment.
Prepare yourself for your boyfriend to have big feelings about your pregnancy. Even though it’s difficult, do your best not to take anything he says during your discussion too personally. He will need to go through the anxious experience of discovering you’re pregnant. Your boyfriend may need to vent his feelings, fears, anger, shock, and concerns before the two of you can start to consider any decisions together.
Give him the space to go for a walk or a drive, if he needs to do that. After all, you want your boyfriend to really think things through before you start discussing what to do. In a perfect world, you’ll both agree on your pregnancy decision. But, you need to be prepared for the possibility that the two of you may want different things.
3. Tell Him the News
Once you feel calm enough to talk to him and you’ve confirmed you’re pregnant, it’s time to set up a time to talk to your boyfriend. How to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant is up to you. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.
Of course, it’s important that you are honest and non-confrontational. Now isn’t the time to determine who’s at fault. You both chose to have sex and whether your birth control failed or not isn’t a conversation that needs to happen right now. Just be sure to resist the urge to blame yourself or your boyfriend while you’re having this conversation.
It’s almost always best to share big news face to face. Choose a private, quiet setting where you can both talk openly. The best approach is to be straightforward with your boyfriend. He may be shocked at the news, so give him time to process it.
4. Ask Him Questions
If the time seems right, ask him what he thinks should be your next step. Here are some questions you can ask him:
- Are you ready to be a parent?
- Am I ready to be a parent?
- Are we ready to be parents?
- Can we support a child with our income?
- What kind of home can we provide a child?
- How do you feel about abortion?
- How do you feel about adoption?
You may need to get together again to discuss the details of how you plan to move forward.
Be sure to let your boyfriend know what you’re thinking, whether or not you’ve made up your mind on whether or not you’ll parent your baby. End by emphasizing that you’re in this together. If you both can’t agree, discussing what’s going on with a counselor may be necessary.
5. Plan to Have Another Conversation
Your boyfriend may be feeling a variety of emotions when he finds out you’re pregnant. Some guys will react with enthusiasm, while others get angry or silent, usually to cover up their fear. He may be fearful about how this will change his life, his finances, your relationship, everything. It’s hard to predict how he’ll respond.
Eventually, he’ll be ready to talk with you when he absorbs the information. He’ll have opinions and suggestions. You will probably need a couple of conversations to discuss how you both feel and to work out a plan.
In the end, you need to do what’s right for you and the baby. Resist the urge to make a snap decision. It feels easier, but this is a life-changing decision that affects you, your boyfriend, and your child.
It’s Your Decision
Once you’ve decided how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant, realize that you can’t control how he’ll react to the news. You may not see eye to eye about what to do next.
Ultimately, the decision between parenting, adoption, and abortion is yours to make. If your boyfriend doesn’t agree and leaves you, remember you’re not alone. There are other people out there who will be there for you. Talk to your family or trusted friends about what’s going on. They will want to be there for you and help you.
If you’re thinking about adoption, experienced and kind Adoption Coordinators are available to help you make a confident decision that is best for you. At Lifetime Adoption, we walk with you each step of the way and will answer all of your questions. We can help you talk with your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy and provide free adoption information to empower you. Contact us today by calling or texting 1-800-923-6784.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.